Penn State: Why I think we're shocked by the wrong thing.

If you live in North America, you've likely heard the story unfolding at Penn State.  A former assistant coach has been charged with sexually abusing boys, and the legendary head coach, Joe Paterno, has been fired for not doing enough when allegations came to light nearly a decade ago.  Students who support Paterno (and his 61-year career at Penn State) have rioted.  And all over social media, you read the word 'shocked'.  People are shocked about the story, and shocked that the students seem to care more about sport than abused kids.

Is it shocking that sexual abuse was not reported to police by an organization concerned about their reputation and ability to raise huge amounts of money? Not really.

Is it shocking that a group of young people raised to worship sports heroes have acted out their frustration that one of their own was seen to be punished for the actions of others. No. Not shocking.

I'd like to suggest that we're shocked by the wrong thing.

Statistically speaking, some members of the Penn State coaching staff were sexually abused as children. Some members of the Penn State board of trustees were sexually abused as children.

Statistically speaking, some of those rioting students have been sexually abused.

Statistically speaking, some of those staff, board members, rioting students, and abused boys have gone on to abuse others.

Statistically speaking, 1/4 of the women reading these stories have been sexually abused. 1/6 of the men reading these stories have been sexually abused.

Statistically speaking, a number of you reading this blog post have been sexually abused. Or will be.

We are those boys abused in a shower. We are Sandusky, the accused. And we are all Paterno. We have all, at some point, remained silent when we should have spoken; turned away, left the hard questions unasked. And we have all played a role in building an environment of shame, where it is often too difficult for those around us to be honest with their pain and struggles.

Don't mistake what I'm saying here... I am not condoning or excusing abuse. Ever. I have my own long shadow that I deal with. But I am suggesting that we can do something constructive with this shock. We can use it to propel us to love our communities in deeper, healthier ways. We can use it to foster safe spaces, and safe relationships where there is space to share our stories of shame without fear of judgement.